My salvation testimony (2005)

I always had fear towards my father since I was a child. I had never experienced his love. All I remembered were how everyone in my family, especially my mum, being hurted by him ofthen times verbally and sometimes physically. He was distant, cold, and remote, not to mention abusive, frightening, and cruel. I was so jealous when I saw how nice other fathers were. My little mind was wondering why this world was so unfair and cruel.

Growing up without the love from my father created a big wound in my heart. A wound could never be healed. My mother was trying her very best to raise me and my younger brother, such as sending us to some famous primary and secondary schools in order to receive the best education. Although I really appreciated for her care, however, I always lived in a strong sense of shame, embarrassment, unworthiness and disgrace because of the way my father treated us. I tried to hide this shameful feeling in the deepest place in my heart, and decided not to display to anyone in the world, not even my best friends.

I'd like to thank my God for loving me unconditionally. He granted me priceless opportunity to know Him when I was studying in Christian primary and secondary schools in Hong Kong. His image was implanted in my little mind. I knew God loves everyone in the world, including me. However, He was still distant, cold, and remote. I had difficulties reaching Him. But He knew my difficulties better than anyone else. Instead of silently waiting for me to come to Him, He proactively came to me and touched my heart.

Year 1997 was the turning point in my life. My teacher showed us a movie which was about the crucifixion of Jesus on Calvary. Behind the scene of the extremely difficult, painful, and torturous suffering, I sensed His love. His love was like river flowing into my heart, and cleansed all the shame, embarrassment, unworthiness and disgrace. This river of love did not just stop in my heart; it flowed out through my eyes. Those were tears with true happiness. After knowing who God really is, I finally received Jesus as my personal Savior in a student fellowship in Sept 1997. This began a process of healing, restoration, and deliverance, which I had never dream possible before. And most importantly, He appeared to me as the Everlasting Father (Isaish:9:6), who directly filled the missing piece of my life. By the power of the Holy Spirit within me, I started to change my attitude towards my father. And our relationship started to transform in a whole new way. Later, I understood that he was also raised with lacking parental love from both of my grandparents, and I have forgiven him for all that I suffered at his hands.

In Oct 30, 2004, my father got into an accident at work. He fell down and hit the back of his head on the ground. Shortly after the injury, he went into comatose. (Later I learned that he was suffered from epidural hematoma, which has a mortality rate as high as 55%.) I will never forget the scene of him lying on a hospital bed at Scarborough Grace Hospital with no response. The doctor told us to prepare for the worst to come. At that point, I did not understand what he meant, but an undescriptive fear had arised from the bottom of my heart to every part of my body. I had never imagined what a sudden death would be like until that point. I was afraid that it would come at any moment to steal my father away. My father’s head laid peacefully at my hands. For the first time (ever since I remember), I found his face was so lovely eventhough there were bruises and some marks of old blood. I placed my lips on his face and wispered, “I love you.” I could not stop my tears because I felt sorry that I had not kissed him and said those three words earlier enough. I prayed to God for granting His mercy on my father. And you know what… Miracle did come. My salvation testimony has not come to the end yet, because I promised God to bring my father closer to Him each day. My Heavenly Father, please grant me the power, wisdom and love to complete my assignment.